It Still Hurts To Breathe
by TieMeDownToYourSoul
Summary: Beth was dead, but Quinn was there and Rachel realized that she could finally breathe again. /*/This story is like really AU and has a slight hint at sex, so you've been warned./*/


**A/N: This story is completely AU, for one Beth is going to be Rachel's older sister and Beth isn't Quinn and Puck's daughter, Shelby was the surrogate for Hiram and Leroy so each of them could have a child biologically connected to them.**

**A/N 2: This is based off true events, this is something I just did and I totally regret it…Marley, I am so sorry.**

**Disclaimer: Glee isn't mine.**

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><p>A bottle of vodka rested between her knees as she sat on the balcony railing of her bedroom her brown eyes staring out at the small houses that lined her neighbor hood. Rachel Berry had just gotten back from the viewing of her sister's body; Beth had been her best friend, they had been through hell and back together and had scars to prove it. But now, now Beth was dead.<p>

Rachel was alone.

The pain inside of her stomach twisted and burned, sloshing around the vodka she had just chugged and she swore her tears were all coming out tasting of alcohol. She had lost her big sister, one car accident was all it took to tear Rachel's world apart. She felt cold and there was now a hole in her heart that was forever going to be unfilled…her big sister was _dead_.

The diva chocked on a sob as she cupped a hand over her mouth while squeezing her eyes shut as tight as possible, she wanted to block away all the things around her and she longed to escape from the bitter reality of it all. How could the one person who was supposed to always be there for her just disappear? How could Beth think that she could live alone?

Ever since they were little Rachel had always been beside Beth, her hands clutching at her sister's shirts or her eyes locked firmly on her sister's face so she knew what to do or say. They had been inseparable, when Rachel was born Beth had been three-years-old and had practically raised Rachel on her own since their dads were always working and Shelby was always vanishing and reappearing.

Rachel closed her eyes and thought back to the night when Shelby had disappeared on her again for the fifth time, she had been five-years-old and a storm had shown up to add to the already dramatic silence that filled her house. But Beth was there, Beth was there to heal Rachel.

**Flashback**

At five-years-old Rachel Berry lay silently in her bed with her stuffed gold star tucked under one arm as she stared up at the ceiling and listened to the dull sounds of her fathers arguing on the other side of her wall. All she could make out was the biting tones and the few drops of Shelby's name and it was enough for the child to know that her birth mother had disappeared once again.

Rachel had gotten used to Shelby leaving, she couldn't figure out why her fathers always got so mad when the woman left…it wasn't like it was unexpected. With a sigh, Rachel clinched her fists together and tried to drift into the darkness of her dreams but the arguing and sound of distant thunder kept knocking her back into the world.

A particularly loud clap of thunder sent Rachel flying out of her pink bed and her little legs carried her down the hallway and into her sister's room, her small body flinging itself onto the mattress of Beth's bed as she grappled for her eight-year-old sister's hand and instantly she was comforted as Beth's arms wrapped around her and held her close.

"I figured you'd show up sooner or later, princess." Beth chuckled and Rachel breathed easier before sinking into the warm arms that were wrapped snuggly around her. "I guess you heard Dad and Daddy, looks like Mom high tailed it out of town again. I'm not surprised though, I just can't believe our own fathers didn't see it coming."

Rachel absently nodded as she allowed her sister to speak to her; she knew Beth was trying to distract her from the thoughts that were swirling around her young mind so with a soft smile she played along, nuzzling into the warm chest to listen to the steady heart beat of her big sister. The tiny brunette loved her older sister holding her; she could always find comfort in looking into her sister's big hazel eyes and seeing nothing but strength and belief.

"Do you think Mama will come back this time, Beth? She said she would, but I don't wanna believe her. Mama lies a lot, why does she do that?" Rachel asked curiously, sighing heavily as she felt her older sister's hand lightly brushing over her arms as she stared out the window and at the dark clouds and falling rain drops.

"I don't know, Rachie, she isn't very good at keeping her promises." Beth sighed before she glanced down and noticed her baby sister nibbling sadly at her lip. "Hey, don't worry we don't need her. We've got two awesome fathers and they wouldn't ever let anything bad happen to us. And more importantly, we have each other. It's always gonna be you and I against the world, huh sis?"

"Yeah, just you and me against the world…" Rachel agreed.

**End of Flashback**

"Rachel?"

The brunette diva jumped slightly and grabbed a hold of the balcony railing to steady herself before twisting her eyes to see Quinn standing in the doorway with her hands clasped in front of her and a concerned expression on her face. Rachel frowned before swinging her legs over, dropping onto the ground and brushing past Quinn to enter her room.

"What are you doing here?" Rachel questioned as she tossed the now empty vodka bottle in the trashcan before gathering her hair into a ponytail and turning to face her best friend. "Actually, if you came here to say how sorry you are about my loss then you can just go to hell. I don't want to hear it and I don't need anyone's pity."

"I'm not here to pity you, bitch, I'm here to make sure you have enough vodka to last us the night, I'm totally crashing at your house." Quinn replied with a simple smile and Rachel finally quirked her lips up at the older girl. "I know this is a pretty shitty time for you, but I'm here to talk and I'm here to listen. You're not my best friend for nothing."

The brunette flashed Quinn another small smile before plopping down at the edge of her bed and playing with her nails, she was glad to have Quinn around. The blonde Cheerio was a great person and the two always had so much fun laughing and talking, and on top of that Beth had approved of Quinn and it was rare for Beth to like any of Rachel's friends.

"I actually don't want to get drunk right now, it's not something I do anyway." Rachel reminded the taller girl and Quinn absently nodded before dropping beside her friend and stretching herself to lay her head in Rachel's lap. "I can't believe she's gone, Quinn. The last thing we talked about was some stupid television show…how could I not have said I love you? For the first time in forever I didn't end our phone call with an I love you. This is God's way of punishing me, isn't it?"

Quinn shot up from the brunette's lap and looked at the broken diva sitting before her, she couldn't believe Rachel was blaming herself for a drunk driver's mistake. Gently, the blonde reached out and cupped Rachel's cheeks forcing eye contact; all she could see were tears built up in bloodshot brown orbs that once held so much love and passion.

"This is not your fault, Rachel." Quinn whispered in a stern tone, running her thumb over Rachel's cheek as she gave her a half-smile. "You know Beth would kill you if she knew you were blaming yourself, right? She'd probably want you to blame Puck."

Rachel smiled lightly at the mention of her boyfriend's name; Beth had never hidden her dislike for the badass football player. The second Rachel had introduced Puck to her fathers and sister all hell had broken loose. Beth had scoffed and made a snide comment about his mohawk, Leroy had cupped a hand over his mouth to hide his heartbroken sobs, and Hiram had narrowed his eyes at Puck before growling deep in his chest.

Even with her family's disapproval, Rachel had continued her relationship with Puck because she really did love him. He was a great guy and he had his bad moments, but he made her happy and he was always there to wipe away her tears. When Rachel had received the phone call of her sister's death, Puck had been right there with his arms around her before the first tear could even drop off her chin; he had simply held her close and made empty promises of things eventually being okay.

Rachel shook her head to clear her mind free of Puck and stared deep into Quinn's hazel eyes; she had known Quinn since before she could walk. The two had been inseparable and had always balanced each other out and now as Rachel stared into those eyes she couldn't help but see something else. Her stomach twisted slightly and she swallowed hard against the lump that had formed in her throat.

Trailing her eyes down, Rachel paused to stare at Quinn's pink lips and she absently shot her own tongue out to moisten her mouth before moving forward and capturing the plump pillows that rested before her. Immediately, a pop of fireworks surrounded her brain as she felt Quinn's mouth slowly responding to the kiss as their lips moved against one another's fluently.

For awhile Quinn allowed their lips to brush as she felt Rachel's tears running against her own cheeks and when she felt the slip wet of the brunette's tongue she pulled away and cupped a hand over her mouth in shock, "Oh God! Rachel, we can't do this…you have a boyfriend! I have a boyfriend! You're my best friend…we can't…I can't do this with you."

Rachel shook her head and kept her eyes locked on Quinn's mouth before the tears became more frequent and her kiss-swollen lips began to tremble; she knew exactly what she was getting into but when she had been kissing Quinn it felt like things were okay again. When her lips were attached to her best friend's she felt as if she could breathe easier…she could actually _feel_.

"I can't breathe, Quinn. Every time I try it's like I'm drowning, I haven't been able to breathe since Beth died, but when I'm kissing you I feel like all the oxygen is back." Rachel admitted as she finally raised her gaze to stare at her friend. "Please, I just want to feel something. Don't take this away from me, please just make me feel."

"Puck can make you feel, Rachie. He's your boyfriend, just call him and I know…"

"I don't want Noah!" Rachel yelled as she drew away from the cheerleader and curled herself at the head of her bed, drawing her knees up to her chest as she lowered her gaze to the pink bedspread. "I kiss him and I feel a little better, it's a little easier to breathe. But when we kissed, when we touched, my whole world stopped moving and for a moment I forgot, Quinn. I just don't want to remember anymore, I want it all to go away."

"You don't want this, Rachel, your grieving in all the wrong ways." Quinn murmured as she crawled closer to the brunette, touching her friend's arm lightly and feeling Rachel's breathe hitch in her throat as she fluttered her eyes close. "Rachel, I want to make you feel better in anyway I can, but…we're dating other people. We've been best friends for years."

"She's gone, Quinn." Rachel reminded her friend as she chokingly drew in all the air she could, making note of the way it seemed so simple with Quinn's hand on her. "Beth is gone and I am so alone, I've been walking around completely numb and I don't want to anymore. I want to feel and I want you to help me feel, please Quinn, help me feel."

Quinn closed her eyes in defeat and cupped Rachel's cheeks, she dragged the brunette closer and attentively captured her friend's mouth. Automatically, Rachel's tiny hands came up to wrap Quinn's t-shirt in her fists insuring the blonde couldn't draw away. Lips grazed and created a slow dance that had both teens moaning as their bodies pressed against one another's.

"What do you need, Rachel?" Quinn panted as she pulled away from the tantalizing lips, her mouth descending on her best friend's neck as she sucked on the skin of her pulse point, her eyes closing at the moan that escaped Rachel's throat. "Tell me and it's yours, what do you want me to do? What do you need from me?"

"Just…touch me."

The blonde nodded against Rachel's shoulder before kissing down a tan neck and placing small kisses along a t-shirt covered stomach before falling in place between the brunette's knees. She couldn't believe she was doing this, she didn't know what was going to happen next but all Quinn knew at that moment was that her best friend needed this…_needed _her.

Quinn's hands ran up the length of Rachel's calves, stopping at the knees so she could peel them apart before her lips descended upon the skin that was reveled by the black skirt Rachel was wearing. The brunette above her panted lightly and moved her hand to clutch at Quinn's blonde locks, her fist wrapping tightly as she held Quinn in place.

In the back of Rachel's mind she knew she shouldn't have been touching Quinn like this, it was her best friend and she had a boyfriend. But as Quinn's lips finally fell upon her pantie clad mound she found her guilt slowly drifting away in favor of embracing the arousal that was slithering its way through her lower regions.

Clothes were shed bit by bit and hands ran across sweat slicked skin, kisses were slow and passionate while fingers were tweaking and tugging at breasts, moans were swallowed as fingers tapped lightly against clits and tears were shed as two virginities were lost in a moment of heat.

Twenty minutes later, Quinn rolled off her best friend and laid beside her panting as the brunette slowly dragged a sheet over their bodies. Curling into the blonde's chest, Rachel breathed in the smell of sweat and lingering perfume before she closed her eyes and tried to remind herself that this was a one time thing. This wouldn't ever happen again.

All had fallen silent aside from the whisk of the fan as it circled above them and as Rachel began to drift in and out of reality she felt a soft pair of lips press against her head. And gently, a touch was laid upon her chest before Quinn chocked out quiet apologies as her tears fell upon Rachel's face and ran down the side of her cheeks and onto the bedspread.

Rachel bit her lip and grabbed at the hand wrapped around her waist, intertwining their fingers and squeezing the cheerleader's hand to insure her that it was okay. They needed to comfort each other right, they had just given each other a gift that was supposed to be saved for the men they loved, and they knew there was no going back on what had just taken place.

The brunette curled herself into a ball and cried all the tears she had been holding in for so many days. She cried for her parents because their daughter had been taken away, she cried for her Shelby who had lost _both_ her daughters due to her selfishness, she cried for the family she had once upon a time that was now full of happy endings that would never come.

She cried for her best friend who had made a huge sacrifice to make her happy, she cried for Finn who loved Quinn so much and was now going to figure out what Rachel had done to ruin his life, and she cried for her boyfriend who was everything she had ever wanted and everything she didn't deserve, and she cried for herself for being so broken and unfixable.

But mostly she cried for the woman who lost her life because someone didn't know how to make a good call after drinking away his sorrows and pain; Rachel cried and held tightly to Quinn, hoping that sooner or later it wouldn't hurt so bad to breathe.


End file.
